My wife is home sick today, so being the loving husband that I am, I rented Twilight for her to watch, then decided to watch it with her. I’m sorry to say that it was even worse than I expected. Besides being dull and filled with cheesy special effects and uninspired dialogue, I found it highly disturbing. I’m not sure which is worse: the fact that Bella is madly in love with a creepy, angsty cold-blooded killer, the fact that she’s willing to become one herself to be with him, or the fact that millions of teenage girls wish they could be her. Edward’s love for Bella is more disgusting than touching–he actually tells her how he’s never wanted to suck anyone else’s blood as much as hers!–and her obsessive love for him is depressing, particularly when she sputters and whines that he would even consider leaving her. And to top it all off, the characters kept drinking Rainier Beer, which would be a nice touch of Northwest culture, if not for the fact that it was discontinued in 1999.
But the film wasn’t entirely without merit. If nothing else, it was nice to see something set in Washington. Of course, they didn’t actually film it here, but they did a pretty good job capturing the feel and imagery of the area. And they referenced the Mariners, so that’s something. I can even forgive the cliche about constant rain and clouds, since Forks is one of the cloudiest places in the country (but to set the record straight, the Southeast actually gets more rain than the Northwest-so there!). Beyond such trivialities, the only really good thing about the movie was when Bella resolves to give her life to save her mother, but as much as I appreciate stories that recognize the importance of self-sacrifice, this theme was completely overwhelmed by Bella’s constant and annoying obsessing how she can’t live without Edward.
I could at least understand why The Da Vinci Code was popular. It was absurd, but engaging. But how on earth this tripe could account for one out of every seven books sold so far in 2009… I’m flabergasted.